So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
