i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
