sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
