you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
