At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
