they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
