my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
