Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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