I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
