i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
