I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
