Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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