One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
