I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
