After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
