Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
