will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
