He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
