i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
