dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
