Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
