I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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