it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
