Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
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