I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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