This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
