How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
