I wish I could punch you in the face.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
