K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
