Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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