I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
