so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
