she was so not down for the gang bang
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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