We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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