the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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