how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
