i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I intend to get homeless drunk
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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