i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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