If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
