Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Randomize
