listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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