Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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