She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize