i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
