remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize