Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize