she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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