I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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