i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
