fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Randomize
