so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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