So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
