You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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