True but thats because hes a fetus.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Randomize
