Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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