I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
