Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
