Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
