i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
