Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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