hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
We were destined to go to rehab together
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
