he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
