I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
