I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
We had sex on a dog bed..
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
