if you like me you must not know who I am
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Randomize
