I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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