I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I need moral support for this bender
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Randomize
