wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
