friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize