No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
