i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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