so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All the doctor said was why
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize