Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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