Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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