Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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