Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
