she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
