I wish I could teleport
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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