So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
