It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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