ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
