I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
