id be glad to
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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