There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
