He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
