I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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