I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
