But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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