i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
