wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
