So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
