So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
