I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
