Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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