i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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