You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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