K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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