I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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